Pants 0. Shit 1.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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