So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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