that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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