so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
