I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
