He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
