I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
