I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
