That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
