I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Randomize
