I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
