is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
