I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
