Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I would fuck him just for his dog
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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