New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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