my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
