yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
