then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
