420 ftw
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i came on her dog
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
