life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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