saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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