i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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