so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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