that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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