one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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