So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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