went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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