I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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