I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
