I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
