After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
