I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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