Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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