woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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