First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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