just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
