Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
