Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
