I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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