Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
