You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
