I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
