her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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