he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
