Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
