I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
