all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
