turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
