Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
