I wish my penis had an off switch
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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