I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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